


Anon Ymous and the Quill of Khanna - Chapter 1

by mbrunswick



Category: Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery (Video Game)
Genre: Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:00:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29194944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mbrunswick/pseuds/mbrunswick
Kudos: 2





	Anon Ymous and the Quill of Khanna - Chapter 1

“It’s no use, Anon. I just can’t seem to wrap my head around this week’s Charms lesson.” Rowan Khanna studied his notes. Notes ordered more perfectly than any. Spaced, lined, paragraphed. Detailed yet succinct. Model work from a model student.

“What’s your trouble, Rowan?” Anon sighed, resting his head on one hand, burrowing his gaping mouth into a sandwich with the other. Roast beef was his favorite; the Hogwarts kitchens had aged it well. “You’ve heard Flitwick’s lecture and practiced the incantation. What more do you need?” Anon felt as if he had suffered Rowan’s academic anxieties hundreds of times before.

“You don’t understand, Anon!” Rowan cried, his voice cracking with concealed panic. “I just can’t study like my usual self. Not without my lucky quill!”

“Lucky quill?!” Anon laughed. “I never took you for one to study on superstition, Rowan,” Anon scoffed, running a fat flap of Hogwarts beef beneath his septum. This one was cold, though, unlike the others. Still, it was enough. The same, familiar scent, calling his name…

“I’m completely serious, Anon!” Rowan said, lifting his beaten notebook into the candlelight. “Without that quill, my notes may as well be worthless! See?! The margins, the penmanship, everything, it’s all wrong!” Anon took a fat drag from his pipe and studied Rowan’s notebook more closely.

“Those notes are better than mine, Rowan,” Anon said with an uncaring tinge. “So, what’s the deal with this quill?” Anon held the book in both hands, rotating it in an anti-clockwise fashion. “I don’t know how you can study magic like this anyway; there are no pictures in here.”

“It’s my lucky quill,” Rowan said, bowing his head in defeat. “Without it, my notes are all but useless. If I don’t find it, I’ll never get top marks on my N.E.W.T.s. I’ll never realize my dream. I’ll never become the youngest professor at Hogwarts…”

Anon had seen his Indian friend lose his shit in more ways than one during their time together as classmates, but Rowan had never seemed so helpless as he did now.

“You’re really hurting for this quill, yeah?” Anon asked with a magical grin. He knew the answer, but he loved to keep his friends in suspense; they knew better than to challenge him. “What would you say to me taking a shot at solving this Hogwarts Mystery, Rowan?” Anon Incendio’d a fresh pipe with even fresher grass, courtesy of Professor Sprout, whether she knew it or not. The smoke burned his pink teenage lungs like the discarded spawn of so many Appalachian crack fiends.

“Would you, Anon?!” Rowan nearly toppled out of his stool in surprise, spurring the laughter of the Slytherin table. “I can’t tell you how much that would mean to me! In fact, I daresay I would be in your debt for life!” Anon rested his leather-clad feet upon the long table, taking a deep drag upon his pipe as he did so.

“I’ll take the case, Rowan,” Anon said, breathing a cloud of butterfly weed into the virgin, morning air of the Great Hall. “But you know, I don’t work for free...”

Tulip Karasu. A witch. That was nothing new. But her appetites; that was what scared Anon. A girl with a taste for pranks, toads, warts. Not many were like her. Not many wanted to be like her, if any. But Anon knew she would have the info on Rowan’s quill. Like or not, she was his next stop.

“Tulip.” Anon muttered as he entered the artifact room. He lifted his hat to get a glimpse at the poor whore, only to wish he hadn’t.  
Lip-to-lip with a toad she was. Anon recognized him; Dennis. That amphibious psycho had killed 12 good wizards, maimed 23 more. But now was no time to hold grudges.

“Anon Ymous,” Tulip chirped, finally pulling her tongue away from that bumpy bastard. “An autistic bird told me you might be coming. And I always trust my informants. So, what might you need me for?” Anon took one look at the red-haired hag and spat on the very ground of the artifact room. Her kind dealt in favors. Sex, drugs, magical animals. Whatever the wizarding world asked for.

“I need information, Karasu,” Anon said, lighting his pipe. “A good friend of mine lost a very special quill, and I need to know where it might have gone.”

“Oh, really…” Tulip ran a red, sharpened nail along her lips, stepping ever closer to the young wizard. “Can’t say I’ve seen any such thing around this place, Anon…” Tulip’s finger tickled Anon’s lower lip, reaching up to scratch his reddened cheek. “Are you sure that’s all you want?”

“I’m here for information, Karasu,” Anon said, puffing his pipe firmly in his mouth. “Either give me what I want or I’ll report you to the headmaster. You know I’m on his good side.”

Tulip pouted with a defiant frown. “You’re threatening to report me, Anon? Why, that would make my parents so mad! You’d be doing me a favor! Imagine, Ministry fools like those having a miscreant for a daughter! It would be glorious!” Anon had dealt with broads like this. Dim, damaged, trying to prove they were something other than what they were. But he knew better. All it took was a change in perspective.

“I see you, Tulip. You think you’re disappointing your parents by becoming what disappoints them. But there’s more than that. There’s more that disappoints them, and there’s more to you. There are ways to disappoint them that you’ve never thought possible.” Anon served his sermon, puffing Sprout’s butterfly weed all the while.

“You… “ Tulip looked down at her green companion, unaware of the sex crimes that might haunt her for the rest of her wizarding life. “You’re right. I didn’t think about that. I only cared about defying my parents, making them angry. I wanted to hurt them so much, I didn’t think about my friends, or about committing crimes of passion with my pet toad….”

“So…” Anon took another fat puff from his magical pipe. “Rowan Khanna’s quill. Where can I find it?” Tulip Karasu flinched, as if the mere recollection of the memory pained her. With a defeated gasp, she fell to her knees on the floor of the artifact room.

“It’s…” Tulip began, breathing heavily. “It’s Filch…. Filch has it. I found the quill and tried to make it my own, but“-Tulip cried out in pain as another surge of magical power racked her body. She fell to the ground, helpless, as an uncaring, chad Anon peered over her.

“You’ve fallen in deep this time, haven’t you, Karasu?” Anon asked, studying his former ally’s writhing body.

“Filch...” Tulip breathed looking up into Anon’s eyes. “He has it. I swear.” Her hands fell to her sides, cradling a toad that would never return her love, no matter how hard she tried to give it.

“I don’t doubt it,” Anon said, heading toward the door of the artifact room. “Oh, and Tulip?” Anon brought his Hornbeam pipe to his lips once again.

“Lighten up a bit, would you?”

Anon's Incendio spell bathed the artifact room in fire. The floors, the shelves, the ceilings; all were cleansed in a purging flame that Peeves himself couldn't escape. None would ever dare question the fate of Tulip Karasu or her faithful pet, Dennis. More importantly, none would ever dare ask what ended them. After all, fools meet foolish ends.

Anon made his way toward Hogwarts' second floor. He knew a janitor with hell to pay.


End file.
